La Belleza (Otra Vez)

If you happened to read my last post, you are probably well aware that I have been contemplating and questioning my ideas of beauty as of late, as well as those of others and our society. This time, though, it has been much more about me (how vain, I know). A few weeks ago I buzzed my head. I went from over 15 inches of straight brown hair, which I've known for most of my life, to next to nothing. It is something I have always wanted to do, and it is a decision I do not regret. In fact, it may be one of the very best decisions I have ever made. Why?

I have realized that:

It really is just hair.

(To quote India.Arie): I am not my hair.

I depend far too much on the opinions of others.

To carry yourself with confidence is much more important than to look conventionally beautiful.

My beauty is from within, and no matter what I look like, it always will be. The best things about me have absolutely nothing to do with my appearance.

I have a lot of great, supportive friends.

I have some not so great friends.

It is so fascinating and fun to search for beauty in people in unconventional ways. It has made me more open-minded and interested in getting to know people.

I am brave!

I never want to hold back from doing something that I may regret, because chances are, I won't.

In short, these past few weeks have been eye-opening, frustrating, scary at times, and so refreshing. I am getting to know myself better which is really important, and let me tell you, feeling a breeze through 1/2 inch long hair on a hot summer day is delicious.

So where does this bring me? Why should you care about my hair?? Because I want to ask you all to challenge your own beauty ideals. It may sound trite, but it is important and a very valuable and rewarding experience. I wanted to shave my head when I got rid of my dreadlocks, but because I did it in Peru I opted to just brush them out. I take that back, it was not just brushing them out. It was a grueling process, and I dragged countless friends into it for days on end. And why? Was it worth it to have shoulder length broken hair? No, I did it because I was afraid of what people would think of me if I shaved my head while I was there. Because I was already intimidated by Peruvian beauty ideals; I was already frustrated/embarrassed of how many stares I got on the street. I thought my boyfriend would think I was ugly. I cared so damn much about what strangers thought of me.

What I am saying is: all of that is so, so incredibly foolish. Shaving my head here was no easier, and although I don't think I was ready for it at that point in my life, and I'm happy I waited, I don't like the fact that I really felt like I couldn't do it. Guess what people....you can do anything! And as Dr. Seuss said: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

I know this is dragging on, but I need to add this because it was a large part of the inspiration to write this post. This past weekend I made a trip to Chicago to visit my dear friend Leia. I had an absolute blast, it was so wonderful to be reunited with such a sweet friend whom I adore so much. But the thing was, I felt out of place in Chicago. I felt uncomfortable a lot of the time. I felt naked without my hair, and I felt poor and unfashionable in my clothing. I couldn't stop noticing what everyone was wearing, how their hair and makeup and nails and shoes and short dresses and skinny little legs looked. I felt inferior. And I hated it. I talked to my mom when I came home and through a lot of nonsensical rambling I came to this conclusion: I don't ever want to feel inferior because of my clothes. Some people don't fucking have clothes. I don't want to waste a single minute of this precious life feeling like the way I look makes me any less of a person. So here I go, today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Very last thing, this video is great and also got my beauty thoughts running. Enjoy.

YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.